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At least if there was anything less-than-positive to share, I thought fighting was the only way. Even when a conversation is initiated? I just always have to pep talk myself into finding the confidence to be able to do it. It got so vulnerable that I had a panic attack. This was my first time it resulted in a panic attack. Recently the dam totally broke.

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At least if there was anything less-than-positive to share, I thought fighting was the only way. A little girl who learned the hard way that my needs were bothersome, that my emotions - whether it was sadness or fear or frustration or overwhelm, would trigger BIG anger in others…that it would take my problem and set it on fire or make it explode instead of helping me through it. So when I need to talk to CD about our relationship I always have had to pep talk myself.. Panic attacks are quite rare for me. But I was able to speak of the fear because I felt safe enough to go there. And he shared lots of important stuff too. I made friends who I shared my heart with through middle school and beyond.

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