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I also reassured her that enlarged labia are perfectly normal and common amongst women, especially after popping out a few babies. Obviously, that is not my real name, but I am a real doctor. Skinny jeans are categorically ruled out. And all I could think is, I pity boys having to figure out what to do with that in a first-time fumble. I again reiterated — declining to take a second look — that there was nothing I could do. The only time the NHS will refer for cosmetic surgery is if the problem is causing pain — the genitals can rub uncomfortably against clothes or during sex — or if the psychological effect is severe.

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Aleena. Age: 22.
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While working as a GP, I had a patient who would not stop complaining about her flaps — vaginal flaps, that is or labia minora, to be precise.

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Cecilia. Age: 28.
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The labiaplasty — clipping the lips for a symmetrical, neat shape; the vaginoplasty — general rejuvenation of the vagina area including tightening; and lastly, popular among born-again Christians, is the hymenorrhaphy — the surgical reconstruction of the hymen so you are biologically virginal. Skinny jeans are categorically ruled out. Vaginal cosmetic surgery includes three options. I apologised, saying that there was nothing I could do and that it was an area for a private cosmetic surgeon. Hey, you rapidly decaying protoplasmic sacks of calcium and shit, my name is Dr Mona Moore. Unfortunately, vaginal aesthetics — much like penis size — is an area where the NHS generally will not intervene.

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